Do you ever scoff at or make fun of something that others take part in when you actually do it yourself?

JEFF IRELAND

I believe the word I’m looking for to describe that is hypocritical.

One time I accused my wife of disagreeing with everything I said. When she denied that I, of course, disagreed with her.

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You know, stuff like that.

A big one for me is rolling my eyes at people when they make New Year’s resolutions.

You’re going to lose weight and get in shape? Sure you are. This year will be different.

You’re going to be kinder than you have been your whole life? I seriously doubt it.

Despite this attitude, I find myself making resolutions this time every year and actually believing I will follow them.

Ridiculous, right?

I’ve made resolutions just about every year since I’ve been an adult and the opposite of my resolutions is always what happens.

So this year my resolutions are going to be a little bit different.

Resolution number one: I want to gain 20 pounds in 2020.

I like the symmetrical sound of that. I weigh 200 pounds so I think it would be cool to hit 220 in 2020. Don’t even try to serve me a vegetable or anything with the word “diet” in it.

This is going to take some dedication but I’m feeling pretty good about it already.

Resolution number two: Exercise less.

This might be the hardest one because I’m not sure how to exercise less than none.

Getting out of my recliner to go to the bathroom or get a beverage from the fridge is going to have to be cut out. If anybody knows where I can acquire a recliner with wheels, please let me know.

Resolution number three: Become less organized.

Once again, this is going to be a challenge. If you’ve ever seen my work space at The Leader, you’ll understand what I mean.

When I come into work for the first time this year I plan to take the contents of my desk and dump them in the floor. I’ll have my five-year-old son roll around in them for about 15 minutes and then jam it all into various drawers. This should make things much easier to find.

Resolution number four: Forget a skill or hobby.

According to Google, learning a new skill or hobby is the fourth-most common resolution, so I will go the opposite direction.

This one will be simple. I really enjoy golf, but am not very good at it. I’m going to buy some left-handed clubs (I’m right-handed) and hit the course. That should take care of my limited golfing skills immediately.

Happy New Year and I hope your resolutions go as well as mine certainly will.

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